The 2010 Oscars

Shel Dorf who never won an Oscar

VERDICT:  What else would you expect?  CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCARP!!!

Tom Shales (who usually wastes column space pining away for Johnny Carson) says it best: "This is the Oscars at its worst."


How to make Oscars NOT CRAP:  

• Get rid of all the lame awards no one cares about - short documentary?  best editor? gimme a break....  
• Next, get rid of the bogus tributes (c'mon you guys hated these dead people, admit it!).  
• Out with the musical numbers and orchestras - what do these have to do with the movies?

Now... 

• turn the show into a boozy party and just invite the nominees.  
• interview the drunkest stars saying embarrassing yet revealing things about each other
• get them tell funny stories about the making of the movies - they love to talk about themselves
• no script, no rehearsals, shoulder mounted cameras
•  in the final 10 minutes hand out awards just for Best Movie, Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Director and have everyone turn towards the cameras and say Good Night America!

Photo attribution: x

Ricky Gervais

VERDICT: CRAP

Supporting Bullets On Why This Man Is Crap

• The Invention of Lying (writer, actor)
• Ghosttown (actor)
• Lame HBO animated show where he ridicules random comments from some mentally challenged person
• HBO standup special yawnfest
• That whole "I'm A Regular Guy Outsider Stance" as he hosts major TV award shows
• OK, pretty much anything he has done since Extras

For the Defense (or reasons why he may NOT be crap)

• The Office
• Extras
• Misantrophe

Photo attribution x

Zach Galifianakis on SNL 3/6/10

VERDICT: NOT CRAP

SUMMARY: Although there were more CRAP bullets than NOT CRAP bullets, the quality of the CRAP bullets dominated the NOT CRAP bullets.

NOT CRAP BULLETS:

• 60% of skits were funny
• Galifanakis' stream-of-consciousness fake-out monologue appeared spontaneous and self-written (and it was funny)
  
• The Zach on NBC Sets was memorable
• Vampire Weekend's first song ("Cousins")
  

CRAP BULLETS:

• The skit about people who inappropriately kiss
  
• As usual, Weekend Update as hosted by the King of SNL Crap, Seth Myers
  
• The totally forgettable final skit. I can't even remember it and I just watched it five minutes ago
• Vampire Weekend's second song
• Bidet skit would have been funny if Andy Samberg had not been in it

TO BE DETERMINED CRAP OR NOT CRAP:

He apparently shaved off his beard, off-camera, some time before that last sketch. (NBC hasn’t made video of the last sketch available.) Galifianakis’ parting words were, “Thank you to the magic of life!” It certainly was a magical SNL — strange but vastly entertaining magic, a uniquely peculiar evening. Source: EW

PHOTO ATTRIBUTION x